whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
