so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
