Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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