Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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