also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Randomize
