i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
