you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
