Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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