White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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