Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
