Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
