Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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