I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Randomize
