Apparently you make a good broom.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
