A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
