i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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