I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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