I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize