I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
