Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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