do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
