how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
