My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Randomize
