It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize