handjob tips. give me some.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
