Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
