i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
