This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
He keeps bees of course he's weird
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
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