I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
FUCK WHALES
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