You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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