i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
