He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
