Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
