you turned your livingroom into a bong?
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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