i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
