i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
