i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
