We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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