on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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