Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
