You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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