Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
zippers are such a cool invention
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
