I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
