Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
