i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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