Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
