i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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