evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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