you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I want a musical about memes.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
