the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
