in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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