Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
