Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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