even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
