it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
