i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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