U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
