I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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