Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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