I haven't been this sober since birth.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
