Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
