This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
God I need to hump something, right now.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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