so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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